And everything I’ve learnt from living it, supporting it, and unlearning the crap we were taught. ADHD isn’t just hyper kids and lost keys. It’s burnout. Shame. Chaos. Creativity. This is everything I’ve learned, from living it, supporting it, and unlearning the rubbish we were taught.(Includes biscuits. And a small emotional gut punch.) 🧠💥🍪
I’ve never been formally diagnosed, but everything you described feels like a mirror. The time blindness, the overwhelm, the paralysis over “simple” things, I’ve lived all of it. The only person in my family who’s been diagnosed is my nephew, and even that only happened because my sister pushed for it when he was little. But there’s no way it starts and stops with him. I see it in myself. I see it in my sister. And honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if my mother had a quieter version of it too masked, milder, but still there.
That line “When ADHD is missed, people don’t just fall through the cracks, they build lives in them” hit me right in the chest. Because that’s exactly what it’s felt like. Building a life in the gaps, blaming myself for not being able to “just do it,” carrying around a shame that was never actually mine.
Thank you for writing this the way you did. It made me feel less alone in my own brain. And that means more than I can say. 🖤🫶🏼
This means so much. I wrote that line because it’s how it felt in my own life too, like building whole rooms in the dark, never realizing they were shaped around something invisible. I see you. And I’m so glad it found you the way it did.
I really liked this piece because it addresses the fact that people label ADD as one thing or another, without really understanding the person with ADD or ADHD, and what's really going on for them. There's a temptation to just say, "people with ADD do this", or "They can't do that" and it's not that simple. Adults have to really understand what it's like to help, and I worked with many that didn't. Thanks for breaking it down
Exactly, it’s never as simple as the neat little boxes people want to put us in. Every nervous system has its own quirks and mine likes to freestyle daily. Thank you for getting it and for doing the work to actually understand people beyond the label.
You hit enough nails on the head to build a house! Thank you for taking the time to really lay this out. I was diagnosed at 53, and I struggle even when medicated. But I have learned to be nicer to myself. Great piece!
Yes! His work was a big turning point for me too, especially the way he links ADHD to nervous system overwhelm. It’s such a validating lens, glad this piece resonated with you ❤️
As pre-school education I've worked with many children with ADHD. Do you think the numbers have increased? The thing I've found very interesting this year is how much understanding other kids have. They watch the behaviours and seem to have an innate understanding that some children have different needs.
I do think the numbers have increased, but maybe not because more kids “have” ADHD, just that we’re finally getting better at spotting it in all its different shapes. And yes, the way children notice and adapt is incredible. Sometimes I think they’re more naturally inclusive than the systems meant to support them.
Thank you for the work you do, Deb, and for seeing them as they are, not just how they behave. That makes all the difference. 🧡
I’ve just been working with a child all morning diagnosed with adhd. We can only have her for 4 hours a day where she’s funded for a one on one educator. Before we got that organised she was a danger to herself and others. She also has odd. But working with her one on one and understanding her needs is pretty easy.
This is such a real and valuable insight, Deb, the shift in support makes all the difference, doesn’t it? I’ve seen that too: when the environment adapts, the child doesn't have to "fix" themselves just to survive the day.
As a Black autistic man with ADHD, this hit me right in the nervous system.
ADHD isn’t just a disorder. It’s a vital survival mechanism in a world that thrives on overstimulation, gaslighting, and burnout.
Think we’re lazy? Nope, we’re exhausted from fighting to exist in systems that weren’t built for us. Think we overreact?
Nah, we've just been surviving with our nervous system on “DEFCON 5” since kindergarten. People ignore this or are too lazy to see it. Just thinking about it triggers my bipolar symptoms, Chucktown style.
I got tired of being the emotional fall guy: the provider, protector, peacemaker, and the one society forgets to check in on.
The man who’s taught to love stoically but punished for needing softness.
The neurodivergent Black man (coined the Fall Guy in my culture) is still expected to hold it all together in a world designed to tear him apart, and I'm sure everyone in this position can relate to it.
This is the article our inner misunderstood soul needed to see, and it deserves a national spotlight.
You put language to things most people only feel in fragments. That line about being on DEFCON 5 since kindergarten hit hard, because yes. That’s the baseline no one sees.
The emotional fall guy, the stoic protector, the one who holds it all until his own system fries... You nailed it. And not in a “neat tidy diagnosis” kind of way, but in a real, blood-and-nerve-ending kind of way.
You shouldn’t have to write like this just to be understood, but I’m bloody glad you did. Thank you. 🧡
You're welcome. Thank you for bringing this to the forefront. You all inspire me to keep going, even when times are tough. I'm grateful for each of you. However, I'm feeling burnt out, no thanks to the situation at hand. Talking it out ain't gonna work, and I'm done repeating myself. So, I'm going to focus on myself and leave the rest up to God. I'm not just doing this for me; I'm doing this to spread wisdom and awareness to others like us, because no one else will. There's no plan B for us, so we have to go all in until our last breath.
I hear you, Roy. Burnout like that hits deep, especially when you’ve been carrying the weight and the message.
You’ve already done so much by showing up and speaking it, even when the world didn’t want to listen. Rest if you need. Rage if you need. Just don’t doubt for a second that your voice made impact.
I’m in this with you. No plan B, just people who care. 🫶
I can relate to so much of this - being autistic and having ADHD blurs some of the edges - sometimes they mask each other, particularly externally, but the chaos of the constant push and pull internally is so much. But like you say, once you recognise that, at least you can understand yourself a bit better, and acknowledge that you're not broken 💔
Yes, that blurry overlap is so real. It’s like trying to untangle spaghetti with oven mitts on. But the second you name it, even just to yourself, things start making a different kind of sense. You’re definitely not broken. Just running a very advanced operating system 🫶
This was the post I needed years ago. I wrote it for me, and for anyone else still trying to explain what it actually feels like to live inside this kind of brain. Thank-you for reading 🫶
This stopped me in my tracks.
I’ve never been formally diagnosed, but everything you described feels like a mirror. The time blindness, the overwhelm, the paralysis over “simple” things, I’ve lived all of it. The only person in my family who’s been diagnosed is my nephew, and even that only happened because my sister pushed for it when he was little. But there’s no way it starts and stops with him. I see it in myself. I see it in my sister. And honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if my mother had a quieter version of it too masked, milder, but still there.
That line “When ADHD is missed, people don’t just fall through the cracks, they build lives in them” hit me right in the chest. Because that’s exactly what it’s felt like. Building a life in the gaps, blaming myself for not being able to “just do it,” carrying around a shame that was never actually mine.
Thank you for writing this the way you did. It made me feel less alone in my own brain. And that means more than I can say. 🖤🫶🏼
This means so much. I wrote that line because it’s how it felt in my own life too, like building whole rooms in the dark, never realizing they were shaped around something invisible. I see you. And I’m so glad it found you the way it did.
I really liked this piece because it addresses the fact that people label ADD as one thing or another, without really understanding the person with ADD or ADHD, and what's really going on for them. There's a temptation to just say, "people with ADD do this", or "They can't do that" and it's not that simple. Adults have to really understand what it's like to help, and I worked with many that didn't. Thanks for breaking it down
Exactly, it’s never as simple as the neat little boxes people want to put us in. Every nervous system has its own quirks and mine likes to freestyle daily. Thank you for getting it and for doing the work to actually understand people beyond the label.
You hit enough nails on the head to build a house! Thank you for taking the time to really lay this out. I was diagnosed at 53, and I struggle even when medicated. But I have learned to be nicer to myself. Great piece!
I love that you’ve found ways to be kinder to yourself, that’s such a huge (and underrated) win 💛
It’s never too late to learn new ways to live with our brains instead of against them.
Gabor Maté has completely changed my perspective on health, in general... particularly ADHD. Great article!
Yes! His work was a big turning point for me too, especially the way he links ADHD to nervous system overwhelm. It’s such a validating lens, glad this piece resonated with you ❤️
As pre-school education I've worked with many children with ADHD. Do you think the numbers have increased? The thing I've found very interesting this year is how much understanding other kids have. They watch the behaviours and seem to have an innate understanding that some children have different needs.
I do think the numbers have increased, but maybe not because more kids “have” ADHD, just that we’re finally getting better at spotting it in all its different shapes. And yes, the way children notice and adapt is incredible. Sometimes I think they’re more naturally inclusive than the systems meant to support them.
Thank you for the work you do, Deb, and for seeing them as they are, not just how they behave. That makes all the difference. 🧡
I’ve just been working with a child all morning diagnosed with adhd. We can only have her for 4 hours a day where she’s funded for a one on one educator. Before we got that organised she was a danger to herself and others. She also has odd. But working with her one on one and understanding her needs is pretty easy.
This is such a real and valuable insight, Deb, the shift in support makes all the difference, doesn’t it? I’ve seen that too: when the environment adapts, the child doesn't have to "fix" themselves just to survive the day.
Exactly 👍
This piece feels like a mirror to many of us.
As a Black autistic man with ADHD, this hit me right in the nervous system.
ADHD isn’t just a disorder. It’s a vital survival mechanism in a world that thrives on overstimulation, gaslighting, and burnout.
Think we’re lazy? Nope, we’re exhausted from fighting to exist in systems that weren’t built for us. Think we overreact?
Nah, we've just been surviving with our nervous system on “DEFCON 5” since kindergarten. People ignore this or are too lazy to see it. Just thinking about it triggers my bipolar symptoms, Chucktown style.
I got tired of being the emotional fall guy: the provider, protector, peacemaker, and the one society forgets to check in on.
The man who’s taught to love stoically but punished for needing softness.
The neurodivergent Black man (coined the Fall Guy in my culture) is still expected to hold it all together in a world designed to tear him apart, and I'm sure everyone in this position can relate to it.
This is the article our inner misunderstood soul needed to see, and it deserves a national spotlight.
You put language to things most people only feel in fragments. That line about being on DEFCON 5 since kindergarten hit hard, because yes. That’s the baseline no one sees.
The emotional fall guy, the stoic protector, the one who holds it all until his own system fries... You nailed it. And not in a “neat tidy diagnosis” kind of way, but in a real, blood-and-nerve-ending kind of way.
You shouldn’t have to write like this just to be understood, but I’m bloody glad you did. Thank you. 🧡
You're welcome. Thank you for bringing this to the forefront. You all inspire me to keep going, even when times are tough. I'm grateful for each of you. However, I'm feeling burnt out, no thanks to the situation at hand. Talking it out ain't gonna work, and I'm done repeating myself. So, I'm going to focus on myself and leave the rest up to God. I'm not just doing this for me; I'm doing this to spread wisdom and awareness to others like us, because no one else will. There's no plan B for us, so we have to go all in until our last breath.
I hear you, Roy. Burnout like that hits deep, especially when you’ve been carrying the weight and the message.
You’ve already done so much by showing up and speaking it, even when the world didn’t want to listen. Rest if you need. Rage if you need. Just don’t doubt for a second that your voice made impact.
I’m in this with you. No plan B, just people who care. 🫶
Thank you
Thank you for the deep insight about ADHD 👍🏻
I can relate to so much of this - being autistic and having ADHD blurs some of the edges - sometimes they mask each other, particularly externally, but the chaos of the constant push and pull internally is so much. But like you say, once you recognise that, at least you can understand yourself a bit better, and acknowledge that you're not broken 💔
Yes, that blurry overlap is so real. It’s like trying to untangle spaghetti with oven mitts on. But the second you name it, even just to yourself, things start making a different kind of sense. You’re definitely not broken. Just running a very advanced operating system 🫶
Wow thank you for sharing this with me, i’ve never read such detailed words describing adhd so well
This was the post I needed years ago. I wrote it for me, and for anyone else still trying to explain what it actually feels like to live inside this kind of brain. Thank-you for reading 🫶
Thank you :)